So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
