If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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