Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
