mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
