If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
