He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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