if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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