I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
