Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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