im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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