Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
