he shaved USA in his pubs
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
