he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
