fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
