So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
