when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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