Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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