Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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