if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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