Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
