You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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