Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
