drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
