He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
