They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
