Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
