too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
