for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
