Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
