Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize