Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
