I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
