I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
