I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
