i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize