I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
