i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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