Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
