I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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