dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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