Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
