we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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