I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's the barista slut.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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