fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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