btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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