Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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