Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
