and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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