found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
