I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
