I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
