Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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