Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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