Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
