I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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