It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
