Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
