Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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