Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
