if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
