somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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