walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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