I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
