the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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