even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
