I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
