I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
