Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize