I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
