the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
