I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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