she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
