Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
