is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
