Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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