oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i now understand why vodka
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
