his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
