drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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