Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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