do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
